I don’t quite know how, but somehow I have managed to keep another human being alive for 24 months. Little Luna is now TWO YEARS OLD and whilst the path over those last two years has been about as straight as her ringlets, it’s been the best time of my life (urgh – so cliche). Here are 24 things I have discovered in 24 months of motherhood.
- No matter what you do you will feel guilty! Need a shower? No, you can’t leave the baby for 3 minutes. Want to actually eat some dinner whilst it’s hot? How selfish!
- Going to the toilet on your own is your new spa day. And when your toddler learns to unlock the door from the other side, it’s game over.
- Seeing yourself in your child used to be cute but then your worst personality traits start to appear in them. “I wonder where she gets her stubbornness/over-independence/stroppyness/assertiveness from?”
- Your baby is not actually a dolly. I was absolutely ecstatic when the baby popped out and they announced it was a girl, but unlike dolls, toddlers don’t sit still whilst you try to put cute french plaits in their hair.
- Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE has an opinion on your parenting but they can STFU because it’s really none of their business. Thanks random lady in the B&Q queue, but its unlikely that my newborn baby is screaming because she doesn’t like the hat. If you hurried up and minded your own business maybe we could all buy our screwdrivers a bit quicker and I could feed my hungry baby”. True story.
- Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE will also have an opinion on your feeding method. To be quite honest, I have no interest in how anyone else feeds their baby unless they specifically ask for my advice. I have exclusively breastfed and we are still breastfeeding at 2 years old and if the old lady in the park doesn’t like it, I could not care less. Luckily, my strong resting bitch face has prevented anyone from ever confronting me but I’m pretty sure most of Cardiff and Newport have seen my nipples.
- It’s easy to judge but you really shouldn’t. I was definitely a judgmental bitch when Luna was a week old. “I’d never feed my child non-organic processed food or let them run wild at softplay”. Fast-forward 20 odd months and all I want to do is have a quick chat with my friend (most likely about the babies anyway), but the only suitable meeting place is bloody softplay and the only food available at softplay is processed crap and I’m pretty sure Luna’s probably OK for 5 minutes in the giant room full of soft, non-breakable toys… sooo I’m going to forget all my previous rules.
- You need mum friends. I had no intention of being part of a group of mum friends – I just didn’t think that was me. Ha – where would I be without that whatsapp group at 3am!!
- Cliche, but you’ll never sleep properly again. Luna’s a pretty good sleeper, but some (probably evolutionary) thing makes even your deep sleeps not very deep. A part of your brain is always on thinking about the baby so you can basically never feel refreshed again. Thanks Darwin.
- You will actually do anything for them. I don’t know if this is normal but I have a sort of death anxiety where I spend a lot of my time thinking of scenarios where I would have to save Luna and what I would have to do to make sure she’s ok. I’ll be manoeuvring through a burning house, smashing my way into a crashed car, or jumping into a river. Fingers crossed these things never actually happen, hey!
- Putting them first means putting yourself first every now and again. You can’t pour from an empty cup.
- They might not be your mini-me. I thought Luna would have medium skin, brown eyes and brown/black afro-y hair. She’s fair, blue eyed and has bright blonde Caucasian-style ringlets.
- They might well be your mini-me. When I look at Luna side on, she has the exact face I had when I was a toddler, but just with blue eyes and blonde bushey hair.
- You need some time to yourself. No matter how much you are absolutely crazyily in love with your baby, even just five minutes to yourself can do you wonders!
- You’ll spend those five minutes looking at pictures or videos of your child on your phone. Literally me all day long.
- You’ll lose all sense of embarrassment. I’m not really one for getting embarrassed anyway, but I really do not care about anything anymore. When your child is throwing themselves on the floor in the supermarket because you said they couldn’t have two packets of jaffa cakes, you’re thoughts are more along the lines of “FFS I don’t have time for this”, embarrassment is the last thing you feel. (Could just be me though).
- You’ll learn and enjoy all the nursery rhymes again, and you’ll learn some new ones too!
- You’ll learn who your friends are. Luckily for me – pretty much all of my friends are still my friends, but some more than others make the extra effort whilst understanding that I barely have time to brush my teeth so I can’t be as social as I used to be.
- Your relationship will change. LOL moving on…
- Your body will probably change. I’ve personally always struggled with body image. I’ve been ‘on a diet’ since I was nine years old and haven’t been happy with my body pretty much ever. Until I was pregnant. From about 5 months pregnant onwards I was in great shape and managed to keep it up for a long time after giving birth, but now my diet is awful and I can’t find time to exercise as much as I’d like so I’m back to body hating and planning my boob job. (Not even sure if that one’s a joke).
- I’ve learnt that time goes quickly. Before having Luna I would come home from work and waste my evening then moan I didn’t have time for anything. Now, every single second of my day is used up on something I really want to do!
- Toddlers don’t really care about things. Sure, if you buy them a gazillion toys they’ll want to take all of them everywhere all the time! *eye roll* But Luna is way happier going for a walk to the park, or making fairy cakes, or even doing arts and crafts when mummy allows the paint out. (Basically never)
- Life will never be the same again but it is the best thing! Obviously Luna completely changed my life, but I wouldn’t be doing what I’m doing now and I wouldn’t be who I am!
- You’ll always have a best friend!